Categorized | Editorial

An Apology…

Posted on 02 November 2011 by Adam Kaslikowski

I want to apologize to all the auto show models and hostesses of the world, past present and future. We auto enthusiast are a socially awkward bunch. Blame too much time hunched over engines instead of talking to other human beings and improving our interpersonal skills. Things are especially bad with the older members of our ranks. Many of them have problems with personal space – they are paradoxically uncomfortable with displays of brotherly affection, yet they won’t hesitate to invade a total stranger’s comfort zone to make a seemingly witty observation. It is never as funny as they think it is. As a group, they can’t comprehend women. They don’t understand how you can smell so good, have such soft hands, and why you find carburetors so confusing. None of this is helped by the fact that many of them are lonely and have watched their dreams curl up and die at their boot-covered feet. That is why you are so alluring to them.

They like to imagine that you will find their knowledge of tire rotation schedules alluring, their grey hair dignified, and their grease (both automotive and foodborne) stained t-shirts sexy. They want to believe. That is why they want of picture of you. This is definitely why they want a picture of you hugging them as if you just can’t get enough of them. They need to show their friends (but not their wives) that they “still got it.” They never had it. I’m sorry that you are the victim of their neurosis, I truly am. You signed up to put on leather pants or a black dress and smile next to a shiny car, you didn’t agree to end your day smelling of a hundred different aftershaves or to be “accidentally” groped. I can’t promise that I won’t act the same exact way when I get old and lonely, but for now just know that I’m looking at you not with lust but with empathy and understanding.

-Adam Kaslikowski

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